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well i'm back. about an hour ago my brand new ex-boyfriend told me…

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well i'm back.
about an hour ago my brand new ex-boyfriend told me that he's still in love with the bitch he had gone out with before me.
this bitch made fun of him all the time. and when she broke up with him he called her to ask if it was because she liked this other guy. well when he called she put him on speaker phone and there was about 5 or 6 people there. including the guy he was talking about.
and this is the girl he still loves.

i suppose anyone would be better than me.
what was i thinking?!!
god!
and i completely saw this one coming!
he was acting weird for a few days.
i thought that maybe it was just me being paranoid. or that's what i excused it as.
how could i be so fucking stupid?!?!?!
and today of course i finally told my friend that he was my boyfriend. gotta love the irony.

i hate this.
i told him what i thought of her.
i told him what she did to him.
how can he love her?
am i really so unbearable?
i must be.
i have to be.

and now i'm back to feeling like shit.
all i need is to let my ed fill me completely.
i never want to fucking eat again.
i just want to disappear.
truly disappear.
into my bones.
forever.

that's all i have now.

and you know even though i have still been restricting all this time, i haven't purged once since saturday.
not once. for him.
i felt good enough not to.
i was happy.
i was loved.
for once.

merry christmas to me.
Current Mood:
crushed crushed
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